Dr. Kill and Hide

Adios !

2009-04-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

I vividly remember the day in RJB when an old magazine with a big ad strip on the cover was slipped in my room. Memories of the grand semicircle rape session with spelling tests and the infamous MMS are still etched in my mind and make me wonder how different IITR would have been had Jindal not rescued me in the interviews. For many reasons, all too special to forget, Watch Out will always be one of the most memorable things about IITR.

Reminiscences of the first meeting at senate and the first trip to CL make me smile in retrospect on how enthusiastic, curious and spirited I was in first year. The first chappo at Divine will probably be the only incident in my life where I have got down on my knees and proposed to a 100kg guy. Writing ‘WONA’ with a deo in khandu’s room will always one of the most legendary videos to be recorded on my phone. I can never forget my first night out in IITR where I spent 4 hours trying to change the background of one of the pics I lifted off the net for an ad. My first 20mL of Vodka in the cap’s bottle had me gasping for breath and the next 200ml had me hitting DJ with my slippers. A Watch out interview is the only occasion in my life where I was told by a girl that I am arrogant and pompous and that I may think of myself as a stud, but I am actually not. For these reasons and thousands more, Wona is probably what I will remember this place for.

I have never really been the so called Watch Out material guy, and it was probably because of some people’s confidence and good fortune, that I was selected to be a part of the group. During my three years at Wona, I couldn’t write one decent article that could be printed without considerable editing. I remember PTV telling me (politely, for a change) how my article basically sucked and had to be re-written completely. Still, some of the most brilliant people I have met in my life, have all been unpretentious and affable enough to allow me to be myself and be good friends with people at wona.

Now, when the Val function is over and I am officially no more a part of Watch Out, I can’t help wondering whether this place would have been the way it is without Wona. Some of my best friends are people at Wona and I had the best time in the campus ‘working’ for the mag and doing arbit stuff at the pretext of working. To everybody who has made Watch Out so much fun, Thanks!

P.S: I was also remembering the legendary Watch out Song, but profanities being the quintessential part, it deserves a better revelation.

Life may be beautiful

2007-12-20T10:42:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: This is a senti post. Probably this will not make sense to you if you have not seen both ‘Forrest Gump’ and ‘The Million Dollar baby’.

It is not a tough job for anyone to get me senti. Movies generally do it more often than people do. Quite a few movies which I have seen in a conscious and non-sleepy state have managed to get me thinking or feeling sentimental about the situation or the character in the movie.

Two such movies which I saw recently were ‘Forrest Gump’ and ‘The Million Dollar Baby’.

Forrest Gump is a beautiful movie. It is not a totally practical movie, but the striking description of how simple and yet complicated life can be for someone is what makes the movie so special. Forrest leads his life in a way which is very different from the way we do and just a 5 mark difference in an IQ scale seems too small and simple a reason to attribute to his astoundingly different life from ours. The character has a lot more to him than what is explicitly shown. His character is like a paper-boat which is simply carried forward by the flow of a sometimes smooth and sometimes turbulent stream. He does not work or try for things to happen, they just happen for him. The fact that his momma gets herself screwed by the school principal for his education does not make him feel guilty and does not make him hate or love her for that. He does not try to impress or flatter Jenny, he just simply starts to love her. He does not want to win for himself or for his country when he plays ping-pong. He doesn’t care what amount a sponsor is paying him for using their racket, he just plays because he enjoys it. He probably does not feel for his nation when he goes to fight at Vietnam. He does not care if his country wins the war or loses it, he is only concerned with the lives of his friends fighting and dying there. He does not think of any financial implications while starting a shrimping business, he only thinks of a promise he made to a friend. His love for Jenny is not because of her attractiveness, or her attitude towards him. He loves her when she is a simple girl living on a farm, he loves her when she is a porn artist, and he loves her when she is a drug addict. “I may not be an intelligent man, but I know what love is”. This line evokes a thousand more emotions than a thousand line love ballad by any senti poet would. The question he asks his mom, “What is my destiny”, is so simple and yet so complicated. I just can’t help envying Forrest Gump.

‘The Million Dollar Baby’ is a true senti movie. It is a sort of a movie one can cry after watching. You can actually feel the plight of Maggie when she lies on the stretcher. Lines like “Sometimes, the best way to deliver a punch is by stepping back; But step back too far, you aint fighting at all”, show the depth of everything the directed wanted to depict. Maggie’s life is an example of how tough can things get, when you don’t have a family to support you. It also shows you the strength of trust and faith. You see Maggie rising from no-one to a star, and seeing her forever useless on that stretcher makes you ask god to set her free. It also made me curse that wrestler who hit her, which is unusual as unlike ‘The Sulk’ I usually don’t use the B-word often.

Maggie Fitzgerald and Forrest Gump are two characters who lived their lives as differently as they could be lived. Maggie knew what she wanted. She dreamed. She worked for a goal, while Forrest lived in the moment. He just lived his life; he never saw his life from a third person’s point of view, while Maggie did. It is this view which showed Maggie the complete life she had had, and made her ask Frankie to send her away with the best she had had from life. Both their lives are very different from our lives, yet we can associate ourselves with both of them in some way or the other.

I guess, there is no one standard good way to live, because if there was, then life wouldn’t have been a journey, Would it?

Lets Play Tag Tag

2007-10-07T11:25:00.000-07:00

My Rules of the Game:

Whenever a blogger is ‘tagged’ he may choose to ignore the message completely and feel no obligation towards to tagger for the whole objective of this game is to gain cheap publicity to your blog.
There is no need to trouble other innocent bloggers with this good for nothing game and break there ‘Writer’s block’ as Banga brilliantly puts it, of not posting for months.
If a ‘Fella Bloggerhead’ wants to be tagged, he can assume himself/herself to be tagged and write weird facts about himself/herself in whichever way he/she wishes to do so.
The blogger can take as much time as necessary to post for this game and should feel free to say ‘ende elle peun’ to whoever who constantly bugs the blogger to post.

8 Random facts about me:

Like everyone who has been involved with this tag thing, food and me share a very weird relationship like a boy and a girl. On my day I can finish off a full medium Dominos Pizza (Deep Dish) with a garlic bread all by myself. On some days I can go without eating for a complete day and still not feel hungry while sometimes I can go on eating continuously for a complete day and still feel hungry. Its one of those few things, nobody could ever find an answer to (42 doesn’t suffice).
Contrary to common perception, I am a sportsman. I play Cricket.In fact, I was persuaded with great difficulty to play a match way below my league when Biotech XI played E&C XI. I was given the great responsibility to bat at no. 11 and field behind the keeper, though not given a chance to try my hand at bowling. I delivered as usual and made my department proud by scoring a run.
I am generally a peace loving and non-violent person but I can be ferocious when it comes to a game called Counter Strike. It has come to my notice that now whenever a mommy wants her child to sleep at night she says “So jaa beta! Warna Reptile_King snipy le ke aa jaayega”.
To everyone who makes fun of my singing, I am a classically trained singer. I was made to attend classical music sessions when I was young. I never liked singing, but the thing got to me anyways. I even won an inter-school singing competition in class 5.
My first girlfriend always told me you have something nobody in this world has. It was only when I held a guitar that I actually realized what it is. I have a double joint in my lil finger. Only two people in this world have ever been able to make two right angles with one finger. One was Kurt Cobain and the other of course is me.
I am not scared of many things in this world but cockroaches have a special place in my heart, which is pretty close to the mouth. On special occasions like eating in the Azad Mess or fishing in my pocket, when I have had a close encounter with a cockroach, people have had the rare opportunity of seeing me jumping and screaming like Prondy.
My weight has been a perpetual question attached with my appearance. It is also responsible for giving me one of my happiest moments in my life. It was the day when the needle on the weighing scale stretched with all its might and touched 50 Kg. That was another occasion when people saw me screaming and jumping like Prondy.
One thing I am undoubtedly a champion of is sleeping. Pixar infact contacted me and asked for my approval about the song “The Reptile Sleeps Tonight”.It is only when I rejected it for the fear of unwanted publicity did they change it to the “Lion Sleeps Tonight”.

So there you have it. As readers of my blog, you have just known something about me nobody else does.

I now resume my sleep and restart my Writers Block.

'Crush'ed

2007-07-29T11:18:00.000-07:00

"I would like to go through the Marshall's Record File Ms.Parekh "said Jay over the intercom to his secretary. As always, exactly after 2 minutes he heard a knock on his door and Ms. Parekh entered with the file. He was happy to see that Ms.Parekh fitted the job of his secretary perfectly. She never asked him 'how' to do something, as long as the instructions were clear enough you could expect the expected from Ms.Parekh.
"Here is the Marshall's File sir", said Ms.Parekh.
"Thank you! When was it last updated?" Jay asked her over his oak desk.
"23^rd of July sir", replied Ms.Parekh.
"Right! By the way do you happen to know if there is a dentist nearby? I was having a bit of pain in my tooth since yesterday"
"Sir there is one just 5 blocks away. The clinic opens at 10.Shall I fix up an appointment for you?"
"That will be good. Thank you!" said Jay.

At 26, Jay Malhotra was not too young to take care of the largest Chemical Company in New Delhi. His voice had the maturity of a Director and commanded respect and instant obedience from his staff. He would not hesitate to give a thrashing to an employee 20 years older to him if he was inefficient. In office he expected total discipline and efficiency from himself as well as his staff.

"Good Morning Mr. Marshall", said Jay on the phone.
"Ah! Jay. How are you doing young man? ", replied an old healthy voice across the phone.
"Good sir. I wanted to see you regarding your supplies to our company. Would Sunday evening be fine?" asked Jay.
"Not even resting on Sundays are you. You work too much for a young man; I think you should take a break Jay. Just find yourself a good wife and settle down. That should take care of you", said Mr. Marshall.
"Hah! Sure sir. See you on Sunday then", said Jay putting the receiver down.

Many people had told him to get married, but Jay didn't have marriage on his list of priorities. He hadn't really thought about it, he didn't have any female friends and among his daily office work and meetings he didn't get to meet with any eligible girl to start thinking about relationships.

"Sir, its time for your appointment with the dentist. The car is ready", said Ms.Parekh on the intercom.
"Okay, 5 blocks away isn't it. I think I'll walk", replied Jay.

He was made to wait by the receptionist at the clinic for 5 minutes. While waiting outside Jay remembered his childhood trips to the dentist, and how he was scolded every time by the old doctor for not cleaning his teeth properly. Well, the teeth hadn't got any cleaner but he didn't expect the same scolding this time.

"The doctor will see you now", said the receptionist to Jay, gesturing him to the door.

Jay walked inside the chamber to find a young female doctor, seated in the dentists chair sipping a cup of coffee. He recognized her immediately.

"I think I know you doctor", said Jay walking towards her.
"I am happy to find that you do Jay", said Neha smiling.

Jay Malhotra had never been in relationships. He did have crushes in school and college but none of them materialized. One of the main reasons for that was that he never proposed to any of them but one, and the girl was right there in front of him.

"It has been a long time, since I heard from you", said Neha.
"Umm... Yes. It has been a long time." said Jay not being able to think clearly.
"How did you find me?" asked Neha.
"I didn't. I run the Qrock Chemicals office five blocks down. I was having a bit of pain in my tooth over here, so I just came to the nearest dentist" said Jay.
"Ah! So finally the chemistry geek from school made it big in chemicals", said Neha laughing.
"And the most popular girl in school became a doctor", replied Jay.

Jay had always been this shy boy who just couldn't be his normal confident self in front of an attractive girl. He always came across as a geek who just doesn't know the world beyond chemicals, though he was completely different with his friends, which as matter of fact didn't comprise of any girls. Be it inferiority complex because of his not so handsome looks or his narrow mindedness, he just found himself better away from girls. He did try to come over this barrier once, and that was for Neha after passing the school.

"Why did you stop calling?" asked Neha knowing the answer too well.
"I just thought you don't feel comfortable enough talking to me. I didn't want to be a pain in the skin, so I just thought I should relieve you. And anyways the telephone works both ways, you could have called if you had wanted to", said Jay icily.
It was a long time before any of them spoke. Neha looked down, flustered while Jay looked straight into her eyes.
"Listen. I could see where you were headed by your calls. But you must understand I didn't want to be involved in anything of that sort at that time. I had my career to take care of. It wasn't about you. It was just that I wasn't ready." said Neha still looking down.
"Anyways. Why talk about something this old and worthless now. How about fixing my tooth?" said Jay smiling.

Jay lay down on the couch while Neha switched on the dentists light. She bent over to look into his mouth, and worked upon his premolar with a sharp needle. Jay could smell her beautiful perfume. How elegantly the laboratory coat hung about her body. How innocent her deep black eyes were looking inside his mouth. She still was incredibly attractive. He could lie down like this with her bending over fiddling with his teeth for the rest of his life.

"Hell, I still can't control my feelings about her. God! Of all the beautiful doctors in England why her again?" thought Jay.
"Does it hurt?" asked Neha pressing the needle about his teeth.
"Huh? Umm... Yes a little bit there." said Jay awkwardly.

It did hurt Jay being back with her. Jay Malhotra was a man who always liked to be in control of things, but with Neha he just couldn't control his feelings. She had always been the only one for him. It was as if subconsciously he couldn't think of any girl fitting in her wife's picture other than Neha. With her he completely forgot about his company, and for the first time in months felt like a bachelor rather than a businessman.

"Would you like to join me for lunch? Would you like to have lunch with me? Can I have the pleasure of having lunch with you?" Jay thought of the right line and rehearsed it in different voice tones in his head.
"Would you..." began Jay before being interrupted by a knock on the door.
A young man, about his age entered the room smiling walked up to Neha and kissed her on the cheek.
"Jay, I would like you to meet my husband Rahul" said Neha.
Jay shook hands with him.
"And Rahul, this is my old friend from school Jay", said Neha holding Rahul's arm.
"I think I'll go now. I have some important meeting due. It was nice meeting you Neha and you too Rahul" said Jay getting up to leave.
"Same here Jay. By the way I fixed your tooth. It will hurt for a few hours, but you'll be fine after that" said Neha.
Jay knew it would take him more than just a 'few' hours to get fine.

Cheesy Lines to the 10 Pointer

2007-07-06T11:26:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: All characters in this entry are purely unadulterated; however the incidents described are not. They are privileged to have enjoyed the tang of mirch-masala added to them by the blogger.

Mussorie is a brilliant place. It is not only blessed by god with exquisite scenic beauty but also a city of great taste. Why? Because it deliciously chooses to avoid a Pizza Hut outlet and bless all the hungry souls with Dominos. (Yes! With lots of seating).It is so great that sometimes the excitement that your taste buds create overpower your brain cells which tell you ‘Which pizza to order’ and after ordering you think “This is good , but I think that one could have tasted better”. This is usual but nothing usual happens in my blog.

Deep: (With the accent) “can I have a Double Cheese Margherrrrrita (Pizza Base with just Cheese) with a Cheese Burrrrst Option?”
Waiter: (Smiles) “Are you sure sir? I think what you said was a bit too ‘cheesy’.”
Deep: “What do you mean ‘Are you sure’, of course I am sure.”
Waiter: “That will be $ Rs. Sir.”
Deep: (Thinking) doesn’t go with the calculations but to hell with that.
“There you go. Keep the change.”

Gaurav: “So Deep. What did you order?”
Deep:”Hah! Way better than yours. Wait till you see. And we wont be letting you non-veggies have any of ours.”

After 15 minutes

Deep:”Wait a minute, what did I order? Double cheese with cheese burst???”
(To the waiter) Excuse me! I think I’ll like to change my order.”
Waiter: (Again with the smile)“Sorry sir! See that cheese dripping pizza coming out of the oven there. That’s yours!”

Just when we were enjoying seeing Deep struggle with the Pizza with his broken tooth, walks in the most beautiful young girl in the galaxy, dressed in a purple T-Shirt and blue jeans. Just by looking at her once we were convinced that she is the superlative when it comes to beauty (way better than Aishwarya Rai).That was when the GPA system was invented(courtesy Viju). This is the beauty of the subject called Chemistry. 'Engineering brains' reacted with 'Engineering College desperation' instantly formed the most absolute scale ever made to rate girls on the basis of their looks. That girl over there was 10. Everyone else on the planet was rated relative to her on a scale of 4-10(Below 4 is a supplee).

As we walked rating girls on the mall road, suddenly we saw the 10 pointer again.

Rohan: I think I’m gonna go and talk to her.
Me: No way! The max you can do is ask for directions.
Rohan: Huh! Wait and watch.

As we all followed the Girl, Rohan approaches her.

Rohan: “Excuse Me! Is this the way to Hotel Shilton?”
10 Pointer: “Dad! This guy here wants to know the way to Shilton.”
10 Pointer’s Dad: “It’s exactly opposite to the direction you are walking. So turn around and start walking."
Rohan: "Thank you sir!"

Rohan: (Loudly with a ‘Yippee! I talked to her’ kind of an expression)”Come on guys, Shilton’s not this side.”

And I thought our insti was full of despos!

The Mad Scientist

2007-06-27T05:16:00.000-07:00

It was raining very heavily that night, frequent lightning and sounds of thunder were now irritating Dr.Jones. It was going to be a very special night, 12 years of hard slog all came down to this, the test tube in his hand. What had he not done for this to come right, this had been his life for the past 12 years, his lab his home. His wife not able to bear with his eccentric ways had long left him. His only son had died in a car accident. He had no friends, no relatives, in fact it had been 3 days since he had talked to any other human, last person was the chemist who was supposed to send the chemicals to the lab. But Jones was not unhappy, he might not have been a husband or a brother or a friend but he sure was a Scientist and that was enough.

Everyone called him a madman, he was laughed upon by everyone when he explained his idea. But tonight it was his turn to laugh. He was going to prove everyone wrong, everyone , even god.

He had waited for this long and if everything went right he would see his son again, the only one he ever loved, for in his hand was the chemical that could bring back the dead to life.

His son’s body, preserved since 13 years, was lying on the stretcher. The temperatures of lab, the pressure all were exactly as required. Jones whispered a final word of prayer and moved towards the stretcher with the test tube in his hand. He had to be careful now. Very slowly he filled the dropper with the green chemical, and brought it close to his son’s mouth. Three drops were going to be enough, that was all the difference between death and life now. Very cautiously he dropped 2 drops in his son’s mouth, nothing, wiping away the sweat from his brow, very slowly, he dropped the final third drop in his dead son’s mouth, and….. and …… nothing. He waited. A man two miles away could have heard his heart pounding. "It should not take this long, the reaction should have been instantaneous, something must be wrong", he very nervously thought. With his hands shaking, he dropped another drop in the mouth, nothing, another drop, still nothing, full 5 drops more, but still nothing. The body lay as calm and dead as ever.

He stared at his son’s body now, his face white and expressionless. His eyes were fixed at his son’s body but staring at a world way beyond. It felt as if all life had come to an end, there was nothing in this world anymore. Everyone was right. He was a madman and a failure. Failure at everything, at family, at science, at life.

He spoke after a very long time, his voice loud and clear, “Lord ! My son needs me and I need him more. If I cannot bring him to me , I will go to him.” Very firmly he poured down the whole green liquid in the test tube in his mouth.

His insides started burning , as the liquid passed his throat like a snake. He fell on his knees and felt an incredible pain in his heart. He said his final prayer and waited for death. But death never came to him. He felt exactly the same. His son was still dead and he was still alive.

He could not bear it. He had to go to his son, it was as if his son was calling out to him to the world where he would not be known as a failure, a world where he will be successful, as a father.

He went over to his shelf, and gulped down the whole bottle of Potassium Cyanide in one go. He closed his eyes waiting to see his son, to hold him, to hug him, but a rude sound of thunder awakened him. He was still alive, the same as before. “This is not possible, I should be dead”, he thought. Not thinking anymore science, he picked up the laboratory knife and stabbed himself in the neck. The knife passed through his neck like butter, but no blood, no pain, nothing.

He could not bear it, he cried like an infant, called out to the lord “God. Give me death. Give me death. Take me to my son” . But that was not to be, he would never see his son, for the chemical that he made was of eternal life, the one to never send the living to the dead,Never.

Mallestation

2007-06-21T03:26:00.000-07:00

I am bored, bored to the extent that I went to watch ‘Jhoom Barabar Jhoom’ with my cousins. I always think that watching a movie is better than going to a shopping mall. Why do people like to go to shopping malls? Ask anyone what they do at a mall and they’ll say “Oh! We just hang out, you know!” ,Well honestly I don’t know what is meant by hanging out (I am seriously trying to curb any PJ’s coming out), I mean if you say you were ’Eating Out’, it makes sense but otherwise I cant help wondering why people go to shopping malls.

Well, TOB (Times of Boredom) did a survey and asked the Delhi crowd one question:

“Why do you come to shopping malls?”
These are the most popular replies that we got:

1. These are shopping malls, so as is obvious we come here for shopping.
Okay, but on every occasion when I have been to a mall, I find that the mall is always crowded, but the shops inside are always empty.
So everyone doesn’t shop.

2. The mall is air-conditioned you know, so we just come here to grab some cool air.
Don’t you have an A/C at your home? And don’t tell me you haven’t been to any mall in winters.
So everyone doesn’t go there for the cool air.

3. (Smile…Grin)We come here to check out the girls. (No ! girls never say we go there to check out boys)
Why do girls need checking out? (Again, I am trying to avoid PJ’s).Well, all I have to say about that is “Buri nazar wale tera muh kaala”. But still the majority of the population roaming around in the malls comprise of women.
So everyone doesn’t go there for the girls.

4. We were just hungry, came here for a bite at Pizza Hut.
Don’t tell me you didn’t pass atleast 1 dominos outlet before coming to a pizza hut here. (I mean C’mon Dominos is way better than Pizza Hut)

5. I don’t know. I just came here because everybody in the town does.
That’s right!

Impulse Intercepted

2007-06-10T04:49:00.000-07:00

So now you know ‘Chatu’ was one of the first persons on the campus I had a chat with. The I/ O Wave Receptor Emitter Transponder reports some more happenings of the next few days:

Occasion: Walking back from the class to the hostel

Brain: What the heck is this! Its blazing hot and we have to wear full sleeve white shirts and black trousers, Is this what everyone meant when they said a ‘cool’ college atmosphere.
Ears: Hey you! First year?
Mouth: ummm... Aaaa…. Yes sir.
Eye: (seeing a big smile on his face) Brain, what makes this guy smile?
Brain: Shut Up and look down! What was it.. Ya the third button, stare at it.
Ears: Chal intro de!
Brain: Okay! That’s not bad, go on Mouth.
Mouth: Sir, I am Saurabh Bansal. I am from Delhi. I am in Biotechno...
Ears: Where is the respect you ****** ***** *****.
Mouth: huh..?
Ears: You start with “My most respected and honorable sir”, has nobody taught you that till now,start again, and it better be right this time you ‘******.
Heart: Mom I miss you!
Brain: Okay, cool down, say it correctly and get done with it.
Mouth: My most respected and honorable sir , I am Saurabh Bansal , I am from Delhi , I am in the dept. of Biotechnology , my all India rank is ……(it went on .. long.. )
Ears: Now say all this in Hindi, pure Hindi.
Mouth: I don’t know the Hindi for Biotechnology sir.
Ears: I knew you ****** was of no use, run along you piece of ****, and the next I time I see you, better know the Hindi for each word you say.
Legs: This is it, Run Run Run!

I had barely got away when another group of seniors spot me, and smile…. That smile …. That smile can kill!

Ears: Chal intro de.
Heart: Again??? Mom I miss you!
Mouth: My most respected …… (it again went on long)…
Ears: Why don’t you come to my room?
Mouth: Why sir?
Ears: You’ll come to know.
Brain: Okay, now listen here; I am in no way influenced by Salman Khan, infact I don’t even like that guy, so with all due respect you wont get to see me without this white shirt. Wow! Tell that to him Mouth.
Mouth: Sorry sir, I really have to rush. I have a class at 2.
Ears: Come near the basketball courts then.
Mouth: Sorry sir. I really have to rush.
Ears: Okay, run now, but come to my room in the evening.
Brain: He said run, don’t bother listening to anything after that, Legs …Its Time.

Impulse

2007-06-02T14:09:00.000-07:00

Ever tried to comprehend different electric impulses your different body parts emit , well I tried this out on my new invention I/O Wave Receptor Emitter Transponder(refer to previous post if you find this confusing)some time back.

Occasion: First day at Roorkee

Eye: (seeing the campus for the first time) this is what the world’s third best technical institution looks like.
Brain: Looks classy, not modern but classy. They should have trimmed the grass along the roads though.
Legs: I can’t walk such long distances, Brain, tell mouth to tell dad to leave the car, we’re gonna need it here.
Eye: (Sign Board) No Automobiles are allowed in the campus.
Legs: Okay, I guess we’ll have to do with the cycle. Boy, I wanna kick so much more than pedals.
Eye: There’s your hostel, what a name... Rajendra Bhawan, Brain we know him?
Brain: I am not yet in LitSec, I don’t know.
Eye: There’s your room, hand keep mum away, she is definitely not gonna like it.
Hand: Not feasible to keep her away for long. Command Ignored!
Ears: (Mom speaking) is this … is this... is this what you are going to stay in?
Ears: (Dad speaking) this seems fine, I am sure you can manage son. I want you to learn to live without the A/C’s, the coolers and the fridges.
Brain: Ya, I think so, but I don’t know why I am finding it a bit difficult to process in such heat. I am not too sure. Mouth tell them you are not sure.
Mouth: You crazy, Ears specifically told me to stay away from revulsions.

Mom, Dad leaving.

Eye: Warning! Tears approaching.
Heart: Oh mom! Don’t go please.
Ears: Bye son. Take care.
Heart: Oh mom! Don’t go please.
Eye: They have left. Where is the calendar? I am going home on the first holiday this place has.
Brain: Just look around. Try interacting with people first instead of the calendar. Where is my roomie? At least he should have been courteous enough to turn up, isn’t it heart?
Heart: Oh mom! I miss you.
Brain: Oh crap! Let’s try the next room.
Mouth: Hey! Where are you from?
Ear: Hum Bihar se hoon, tum?
Mouth: Umm… Delhi, you know anyone from Delhi here?
Brain: Oh great! What a great thing to ask in your first meeting. At least consult me first before blurting out anything.
Ears: Knock Knock!!
Heart: Its mom, its mom, its mom!
Brain: Shut up! Might be my roomie.
Eye: Sorry heart! It’s not mum, nowhere close infact.
Ear: Hi! I am Abhishek Chaturvedi. I stay in that room in your front.

(to be continued…..)

Interview

2007-05-30T02:43:00.001-07:00

I have never been my usual self at interviews. I usually end up doing something weird or saying something absurdly strange and almost always have to fall back on Plan B – If you cant convince them , Confuse them ! (Not saying it always worked). Strange isn’t it? I am not that big an ass as I try to make out of myself at interviews. I am sure this because of the lack of confidence in myself , but what is even stranger is the immense confidence I have in my ‘fattebazi’ ( again for the non Roorkee junta it means something instantaneous you come up with to implement the plan B ). So the success rate of plan B is so high that now subconsciously whenever I feel something can go wrong I switch to Plan B , and there you can hear some of the most extraordinary ‘fattas’ in the galaxy …………. Njoy!

In the excerpts of the conversation below, the interview taker will be designated as Scary Monster (SM) and I will be Me (umm…. Okay Me), the text in brackets will be my uncensored thoughts.(As a reader of my blog you do get some privileges)

This was at my St.Stephens College Interview (Yes! I went there just for the girls)

SM: Why didn’t you come for your Physics Hons. Interview the day before?
Me: Sir, I had to go to IIT Delhi.
(Oh Shit! shouldn’t have said that. Why would this ass take me if he knows I have been selected for IIT?)

SM: What for?
Me: Sir, I had to submit a report of my project of the pharmaceutical applications of nanotechnology there.
(Now you know! Why I am a brilliant ‘fattebaaz’)

SM: Okay, so you are interested in Nanotechnology?
Me: Yes sir! Very Much.
(Oh man! Heading into dangerous waters am I?)

SM: Tell me the range of nanoparticles.
Me: Its 1 to 10^-5nanometers sir.
(See this is the beauty of the thing called confidence, you start to doubt whether the Scary Monster himself knows it or not, so you decide to say anything random
What shit! How the hell do I know the range of nanoparticles?)

SM: Oh! Really? According to what I have read its 1 to 99 nanometers.
Me: Maybe you read it wrongly sir.
(I am anyways going to flunk this but you don’t throw shit at me old man!
Agreed I went overboard with the plan B but you don’t insult my fattas .. Never)

And imagine, instead of getting pissed the Monster smiles, writes my name down and selects me.

Moral of the blog-

‘Fattebazi’ is an art , not everybody can do it , and the best part about it is that no matter how bad your ‘fatta’ is , is you say it elegantly it will work !

Who Am I ?

2007-05-28T03:42:00.000-07:00

There are some times when you really start to think, who am I? I mean Yes; you have done a lot of ‘great’ things but to come to think of it they are great only because the people around you say that they are great. You topped your school, got brilliant marks in boards, cleared JEE, participated in a lot of activities, did a lot of stuff, but WHY?

I guess one simple honest answer for me is that it makes your parents happy (Now you know why wooing a pretty girl is not on the list above). But then when do I start to think about what really makes me happy? (Wooing a pretty girl does!) I guess making my parents happy makes me happy. (That’s why I have been unable to woo a pretty girl) Okay, that pretty much explains it. Simple, clear and straightforward, that’s the way my life has been till now, A simple life (no Paris Hilton though).

You ghiss (for the non-Roorkee junta, it means study of any form whatsoever) in school to get into IIT, Now when in IIT you ghiss for good grades for a good job. Is there an end? A psychiatrist (No! I haven’t visited one, just imagining) will tell me “It’s up to you son! You can put an end to it whenever you want to” but can anyone do it really. When you think you are out of the ghiss race it will mostly be an excuse for your acads being fu***d up. You can only prevent the vicious ghiss circle overpowering your life. A great man (ahem! me) just said “Ghiss son! But just know, how much you need it, it’s about not being in the race but still standing a chance to win“. No voluptuous woman will pop up when you have really learnt to overpower the IIT system, despite the fact that it does happen to most people who have done it (it is an achievement in IIT to be hooked up with a good girl, you know) and that is the sole reason they don’t tell you how they did it.